Hot tips for job lookers

Since I got back I've been supporting my crack habit supplementing my income by temping at a recruitment agency. It's easy enough work, mainly typing job applications into the agency's database. I've been there a week, and based on my experiences so far, I have a couple of sizzling hot tips for all you job seekers out there:

1. Learn how to spell 'résumé'. Don't even worry about getting the fancy accents on the e's, just get the spelling right. WTF is a "resumay"?

2. Get a professional e-mail address. A throwaway one with a free provider like Hotmail is fine, but choose an address that is totally vanilla. It should not have any references to sex or zombies, contain the word 'lazy' followed by your first name, invite me to "rub your coconuts", or be an homage to your love of dead dogs.

3. Choose your work referees carefully. Why on earth would you provide a reference from a former job where you: were fired/never showed up/have a multi-million dollar worker's compensation claim currently pending against the company? Privacy legislation be damned, employers love giving the DL on their former employees. Especially the bad ones.

What? You mean this is all common sense?

Fine. I'm in a hurry anyway. I've got an interview for a real job on Monday, and I need to go print my resumay.